The word Asperger...ass burger?...was not what I had expected to hear when my son was four or five years old and behaving poorly. What in the world was this strange word? My Nicholas has always been a little different. He walks to the beat of his own drum and it's been that way, well, since the day he began to walk.
As a baby Nick was perfect in every way. He was bald and beautiful with big blue eyes. He slept well, nursed well and smiled all the time. He was such a snuggle bug. When he turned about two and a half he became very inquisitive and stopped napping and sleeping in general. It seemed like over night I was bungee cording the chairs to the table, dead bolting the doors and putting up a toddler bed. I felt he was too little for that but he was scaling his crib by one year of age. Quickly the energy was drained from me. He would nose dive from the top bunk of the bed and get up and want more. We made dozens of trips to the emergency room due to his reckless behaviors. He wasn't talking, just babbling, not sleeping, and hurting himself and others on a daily basis. What happened to my baby boy?
People would often say it was the "terrible two's," then it became the "terrible three's," which moved into " he's just a rambunctious little boy," to "what he needs is a good butt beating." By this time Nick was beginning preschool. I feared that he would be sent home for stripping naked at school. (He hated clothing) I knew something had to be done. My son had become a little monster and I cried questioned my parenting skills often. This was the first time I had heard the term ADHD used for my son.
I had heard that term so often. I refused to believe that my son had it. It seemed and still seems like every child has ADHD. I decided that I would not take that as an answer. When I began to talk to other parents and professionals I quickly learned that opinions really are like assholes and every one does have them. It's hard when you feel so alone and you want to talk to someone, but everyone wants to tell you exactly what they think you should do. "Put him on the meds, its the best thing we ever did for our son!" "No, don't put him on meds! try the organic lifestyle!" "My long distant relative removed dairy and gluten and her son is healed now!" Try yoga, try dye free, try meds, try tea!
If anything actually helped it was his preschool teacher who had mentioned that some of his behaviors seemed on the Autism Spectrum. She told me to read about Asperger's syndrome. Asperger's syndrome? My kid could not possibly have that. It sounds way too weird. I was sure in the end some doctor would just remove a Lego from his nose and we would be all better.
I read about asperger's syndrome, and for the first time my eyes lit up and I felt like YES! YES! THIS IS IT! I felt like I had found my son, someone had written a book about him! For a while I felt successful and then at times like a failure. What did I do that made my son this way? What didn't I eat enough of when I was pregnant? I felt like I must have done something wrong for him to be this way. A long time passed before this feeling went away, a long time passed before we had a reason for why Nicholas behaved the way he did.
In the meantime Nick went to kindergarten,on to first, second and now third grade. Every year the same struggles, the same e-mails from teachers, the same phone calls from the principle. "Nicholas was licking his and other peoples desk today, could you please talk to him about this?" "Nicholas was hitting and screaming on the playground." "Nicholas needs help in speech and reading." " Nick is out of his seat at least 12 times a day." Nicholas is frustrated and banging his head on his desk." When the phone rings durning the day. I sigh. Nicholas.
Finally a meeting with his teacher last year prompted me to back to the doctor.I had had it with all the phone calls and the school certainly wasn't going to do anything to help him unless I actually had a diagnosis for his behaviors. After a two hour meeting the doctor referred us back to a neurologist. This time, one of the best she knew of. After meeting just twice with Nick and I. (and a lot of evaluations from me, family and teachers. He made his diagnosis. Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD. Asperger's Syndrome is a high functioning form of Autism and apparently it's not uncommon for Autism Spectrum Disorders to go hand in hand with another disorder.
Years ago I would have been heartbroken by this diagnosis. I would have felt guilty like I did in the beginning. But I have had a lot of time to learn. I have read what seems like every book possible on the matter, and I am ok with it. I feel like its not a diagnosis of a problem. It doesn't define who he is. It's simply a description of a very misunderstood person. If you didn't know, it's thought that Albert Einstein, Leonardo Di Vinci, Andy Warhol and even Stephen Spielberg and Bill Gates had/have Asperger's Syndrome. I am so proud of Nicholas. He has come so far over the years, over coming so many obstacles and challenges. I wish other people would look at him for the unique person he is, the creative, bright eyed, loving boy I know.
Next time you see a child having a tantrum in the store look deeper into the situation. Next time you hear a child make a rude comment, ask yourself if he is simply being rude or just very honest. Don't assume they are bad kids and please talk to your children about acceptance of those who are different. God made us all different for a reason. This world would be boring if we were all the same. Be Aware. Asperger's is more than just a funny word.
